I recently became vegan and I'm obsessed with trying to lower my negative impact on our planet. I'm going to try to blog regularly about my thoughts and journey.
If you haven't seen any of my vlogs on youtube or read any of my previous blog posts, I have been in the process of converting to Catholicism and this past Saturday, the day before easter, I was confirmed and had my first communion (well, my first communion in the catholic church). It was a very positive and moving experience for me. My mom came, which meant a lot to me. The Easter Vigil service was a night I have been looking forward to for several months.
The process was actually very difficult for me personally because there are things the Catholic church believes that I disagree with and it has taken a lot of praying, studying, really thinking about what I believed and why I believed these things. I didn't want to just take what my deacons and priest said as an end all be all and have that be it. I wanted to understand why the catholic church followed and believed certain things. Although the learning process never ends and I am still doing research. I have found that it has taken more soul searching than anything and realizing who I am as a person. Because of this process, I have started becoming more comfortable with who I am.
One of the things that I have started to come to terms with is my sexuality. At the age of 14, I started to realize that I may be bisexual. Growing up, I think it was normal to be attracted to both boys and girls, I never thought about it but I never knew there were terms for being attracted to the same sex, opposite sex or even both sexes. Although in middle school, I learned that being attracted to the same sex was termed "gay" or "lesbian." Which I never gave a thought about. Once I hit high school though and I started becoming more involved with theatre and started going to booker high school for musical theatre, I started trying to figure out who I was and realized that it wasn't "normal" so to speak to be attracted to both men and women and that there was actually a name for it. Again, at this point though, I didn't really give it much thought until I was 16 when I started going to church and becoming more religious. At this point, I became afraid of "going to hell" and being judged by my peers, so I went back in the closet so to speak. So, if I had told anyone I was bisxual at this point, I started denying it until I was 19 when I started backing away from the church.
At this point, I was taking a class in college and started to re- realize my sexuality when I realized that I was attracted to another woman in my class. Over the next 4 years, while I had come out to several people, I never fully accepted myself for my sexuality and didn't know how to be ok with my faith and my sexuality. Part of me wanted to reject faith altogether because I knew I couldn't suppress my sexuality to myself any longer. Up until a year and a half ago, I read Ryan Buell's book "Paranormal State," where he briefly discussed his bisexuality and I watched all 5 seasons of paranormal state and admired how Ryan seemed to be comfortable with his sexuality and still be a practicing catholic. While Ryan isn't the only one I've admired in regards to this, I have several friends that are Christian and gay/ lesbian/ bisexual, I started to slowly come to terms with my faith and my sexuality and that it isn't a bad thing.
So, going back to the main point of this post, in regards to my faith and my own self discovery, these last few months have meant allot to me and my confirmation was basically a pivotal point in my spiritual journey.
Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to "Camp Paranormal" in North Carolina with the Paranormal Research Society. At Camp Paranormal, we learned how to conduct investigations, research as well as some cryptzoology, parapsychology and some energy work. While I know we just barely scratched the surface on so many things, it's given me a place to start in regards to my research.
While I was there, I was assigned the FIR (Field investigation and research) house, which was led by Ryan Buell. Each house was given their own cabin and we had specific classes we needed to take that was associated with our house. If we had some free time and there was a class going on that didn't conflict with our required classes, we could take that class if we desired too.
In FIR, we were able to go over a case (from one of the episodes) as if we were investigating it ourselves. The episode was "Devil's hostage" on Paranormal State but PRS called the case "the Masque." It was a learning experience for sure and have a general idea of how to get the investigation process started.
We also had Adam Sedlock join up and he did a few lectures that covered good vs. evil, psychopathy, parapsychology and clinical illness. His lectures were incredibly informative and just a great person to talk too in general. Of course we had classes with the PRS team as well. Some of what we covered was some history of the paranormal, history of spiritualism & investigation 101, analyzing evp's, photo and video evidence, psychology and the paranormal, as well as some other classes. We even had a class on surviving the zombie apocalypse that Chris taught. While it was very entertaining, it was also very informative.
We did do a few investigations as well. We investigated the Field of dreams, the dining hall, one of the Yurts as well as Cabin 10 at Camp Rockfish. I think a few people had some interesting locations at the different locations but I personally didn't experience anything except for some possible wisps out in the Field of dreams. We did have an interesting experience with a buck deer too! Which was crazy!
I am planning on going to Camp Paranormal 2 in June. Which should be even better than CP 1!!!!!!!!!! If you are interested in going to CP 2, Click here for more info! It really is an amazing time and you'll learn a hell of a lot.
I have been a fan of Ryan Buell and his team since Paranormal State premeired on A&E in December of 2007. Being 17, almost 18 at the time, I was the typical fan girl, drooling over how attactive he was but as I've gotten older and have a better understanding of the paranormal world and have started to form my own opinions and belief's, I have a respect for what Ryan does. The fact that he actually helps his clients as well as the spirits. He doesn't taunt and harass the spirits like they do on Ghost Adventures just to get the views and be in the center of attention.
A few months prior to Paranormal State airing, my cousin, Shirly, learned that she had pancreatic cancer but unfortunantly passed away in 2010. Shirly was like a 2nd mother to me and if anything happened to my parents, her and her husband, Mike, would have taken me in within a heartbeat. So, when she passed away, it was difficult.
When I learned Ryan pancreatic cancer, it came as some what of a shock to me. I don't claim to know Ryan at all but I understand the struggle that he himself, his friends and family may be going through and my heart goes out. I have always sensed that Ryan has a strong will to live and help others and I will continue to pray for him and his loved ones during this time.
When it comes to what I think and believe about the paranormal and my own spirituality, what I know of Ryan's work, has infuenced who I am today and I thank him for that and I hope that he comes through this stronger than ever. So today, in honor of my cousin and ryan, I'm wearing purple. Granted it's a pair of purple PJ pants but it's all I have in my closet! Happy 30th birthday, Ryan!
