My happy place

Anybody who really knows me how much live theatre means too me and how deeply it runs in my heart. Weather I am onstage, backstage or watching a production, the people that are within that room are sharing that experience and nobody else. Every performance is different and every show is impactful in different ways. And every time I listen to a song or a soundtrack from a show I've done or seen, I can't help but be brought back to that particular night or run and I become enthralled in that night again and how personal live theatre really is. I just am allowed for those couple of hours to forget everything else in my life, and just live in the moment. True therapy.

Unfortunantly, there are people that really can't appriciate the art form and don't care too. Which deeply saddens me because it is such a unique experience. With any well done performance, you will be taken on the emotional roller coaster that the characters are going on whether it be funny, sad, angry or melancholy.

As of late, I haven't been in a show for a while, so I tend to allow myself to go back in my mind and become enveloped with past performing experiences and for a brief moment, I can have that high again and escape from the world. I really need to start going to auditions again because I really need to be onstage again and have something to really focus on outside of everything that has been going on. I may not be the best performer on the face of the planet but it's my "happy place" I guess you can call it. becoming someone else.

Sunrise

Today was nice. My mom and I went for a walk around 7am this morning and watched the sunrise, which was beautiful. Then we went to The Waffle Shop, Inc. for breakfast Which apparently Elvis ate there once. Which is pretty epic. It was really enjoyable to just sit and chat with mom for a while.

Then once we got home, I layer down for a while because I didn't sleep more than a couple hours last night. Them mom and I went to a family christmas party, which was very lovely.

Out here on my own

I am so glad for the good friends that I have but I somehow always feel like I don't fit in entirely. I don't know why this is but I just feel like I never really have anything to say and I have a hard time relating to people. I feel even more awkward trying to have a conversation with a group of people because it always seems like everyone is talking over everybody else and what I have to say never seems to be relevant to the conversation and then I hate it when some one points out and is like "you haven't been saying anything, what do you think?" and I never know what to say or I think the topic is stupid or I don't really have any knowledge base about the topic and usually by that point I don't have anything to say because what I thought about previously has nothing to do with the current topic. That or I am just not really paying attention and thinking about other things.


Other than looking for a job, I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. If you don't know already, I'm going to be taking a couple more classes in the spring and then I'm going to take a couple years off from college, I'm not even 100% sure I'm even going to go back to college. Possibly one of the technical schools but yeah. School really isn't my thing. I am not an academic at all. I want to travel. I want to meet some of my friends that I've been talking to online. I just want to experience different places. I just want to live life as it comes to me. I don't really have a plan. I don't necessarily want a plan. I just want to be happy.

Simmering Potpourri

I'm actually not as down as I thought I would be at this point in time, other than the usual stress about money and trying to find a job, I'm pretty happy. I threw together some simmering potpourri tonight and the house smells amazing right now. Also got my Secret Santa present today from one of my Team Regular friends. I can't wait to open it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've also gotten 4 postcards so far from postcrossing.com. So far, I've gotten one from Brazil, Vermont (USA), Rome and Salzaburg.

is there something wrong with me?

This Christmas season has honestly been difficult. I haven't really been wanting to get into the Christmas spirit. I didn't even do the Messiah performances yesterday because I just couldn't do it. Which is not like me at all. I also haven't hung out with anybody since my dad's memorial until Friday night when I went to the deaf chat with some of my friends from my ASL class. I've just been such a recluse as of late. Correction, I've always been kind of anti social but I've just haven't wanted to do as much lately since my father's death. Which I know in the long run isn't the best thing in the world. And I feel like I just don't have anybody to hang out with, every time I text someone and I'm like "hey, what are you doing this weekend?" and as always they just respond back "Nothing," and I'm always like "....you want to do something?" and as usual "I don't know, I might be doing something else." So frustrating. Am I really just that horrible at being social and trying to get people to hang out or is there something wrong with me?

So smelly!

One of my biggest pet peeves is when my house smells bad. Especially the homes of people who have lower incomes, have animals or they are just an average family and their home smells like god knows what (or some combo of the three). I'm not saying they're bad people, it just makes me want to vomit whenever I go over to their house or I smell their house smell on them.

It makes me wonder what is going on? Is it really that difficult to do an incredibly good deep clean of your house every year and to just generally keep your house really well cleaned? I know that cleaning products can be expensive, but that's what dollar stores and discount stores are for.

I am aware that the smell of someone's may be due to the building itself because of mold and what not but that doesn't really constitute you not being able to at least try and keep the smell down.

Personally, once a year, I will go bat shit crazy and clean the house like a mad women. I'll wash all the drapes, scrub down the floors and walls, move everything to the center of the floor if I need to. Dust every CD, Book, nook and cranny. Get rid of any food that's been in the cabinets for more than a year, get rid of any of my stuff that I don't use and donate it to goodwill. Just clean everything. If I can afford it, I'll even have the carpets cleaned and get the fabric covered furniture cleaned professionally if I can. Once all is said and done, I'll febreez everything and spray all hard surfaces down with lysol and open all the doors and windows and let some fresh air in.

Then like once a month or so, I will do a basic dusting, cleaning the bathroom/ shower/ kitchen/ windows and stuff pretty well. Then like every week, I will vacuum, change the sheets, clean Herman's (guinea pig) cage, sweep. Then like daily, I'll pick up, clean up, laundry and sweep up as I need too.

I get that not everybody's schedule allows them to clean as well as they need to, but make time! I honestly would rather get an hour less of sleep just to know that I am going to come home to a clean house that doesn't smell to high heaven and I can be comforatable.

Most people who come to my house, wouldn't guess that I had pets if they didn't already know we had a dog and a guinea pig. It's honestly not that hard to take the time to keep your home clean. I hate chores just as much as the next person but it really makes you feel good when you know your home is clean. Plus, what will other people think of you if your house smells badly?

What?! Already!? O.o

My guinea Pig, Herman.

I can't believe the Holiday's are here already. I have been so caught up with school, my dad's passing and just trying to deal with life in general. It's just amazing that Thanksgiving is next week. It kind of hit me yesterday how strange it is not to have dad around.

Speaking of thanksgiving, I think we might be going over to my grandmother and aunt's house this year. Which will be a first in a while. I'm so used to having at home and maybe having someone over and mom and I making dinner and dad and I watching the parade in the morning. The parade is seriously the best part. It's going to be so weird without dad. I need to start sending out Christmas Cards too. I need to get a couple of assignments done this week first though. I have honestly been glad that I haven't had a ton of homework to do this semester.