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I am a new vegan and just starting to write a blog about my journey thus far. http://griffinwolf2008.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Out here on my own

I am so glad for the good friends that I have but I somehow always feel like I don't fit in entirely. I don't know why this is but I just feel like I never really have anything to say and I have a hard time relating to people. I feel even more awkward trying to have a conversation with a group of people because it always seems like everyone is talking over everybody else and what I have to say never seems to be relevant to the conversation and then I hate it when some one points out and is like "you haven't been saying anything, what do you think?" and I never know what to say or I think the topic is stupid or I don't really have any knowledge base about the topic and usually by that point I don't have anything to say because what I thought about previously has nothing to do with the current topic. That or I am just not really paying attention and thinking about other things.


Other than looking for a job, I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. If you don't know already, I'm going to be taking a couple more classes in the spring and then I'm going to take a couple years off from college, I'm not even 100% sure I'm even going to go back to college. Possibly one of the technical schools but yeah. School really isn't my thing. I am not an academic at all. I want to travel. I want to meet some of my friends that I've been talking to online. I just want to experience different places. I just want to live life as it comes to me. I don't really have a plan. I don't necessarily want a plan. I just want to be happy.


1 comment:

  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWYeNlHXk9U

    Em, never feel like you don't belong. It can be awkward, especially when conversations go off on crazy tangents that are only recognized by two or three people, but that doesn't mean that you aren't an important part of the dialogue as well. Stay engaged and don't be afraid to offer your own insight on a different, but mutual subject that you ARE interested in (or the things you were thinking about) when the conversation slows or even if it's something related yet different. Random conversation changes keeps things interesting and helps everyone else who isn't in on the tangent too. Kick back, relax, and if someone feels the need to point out that you are just listening it's ok to be honest and give your honest opinion or to say, that's it's not really your area of expertise or that it's not really your thing.
    As far as the uncertainty of the future goes,I'm actually in the same boat (and still have yet to deal with it). It comes down to finding the one thing that makes you happy, and finding something you can see yourself doing 15, 20 years from now. (The first thing that comes to mind, usually is the answer) And then working as hard as you can to make it happen. Whenever you're at a loss as to what that is, there is no harm in trying something new, to unleash a hidden talent. I can definitely understand you wanting a little clarity even if there is no set-in-stone plan. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, focus on the person you are and the person you want to be, and try (even though it's hard) to live in the moment. Ask yourself, "what are your goals for TODAY?" instead of "my goals for after the semester ends?". Sometimes writing about the times when you feel most at peace will also help you figure out exactly what you need to do. Making list about the things you want to accomplish (no matter how big or how small) also helps too. Don't get yourself down about not knowing it now. You have plenty of time to decide and there is no rush. Finding a job is hard but keep being persistent, searching and applying to multiple jobs everyday, and don't be afraid to call the places that you're interested in even if they do not outright say they are hiring to see if there will be future openings or openings not listed online or in the paper. Keep at it, and don't be afraid to offer your skills to neighbors and friends as well. They may know of someone who needs your help. Don't forget to continue applying for unique jobs that you would never apply for normally, you may find that it's better than you thought it would be. The most important thing is to never give up and to have the faith and patience to know that things WILL fall into place, I promise. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but they will.

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