So smelly!

One of my biggest pet peeves is when my house smells bad. Especially the homes of people who have lower incomes, have animals or they are just an average family and their home smells like god knows what (or some combo of the three). I'm not saying they're bad people, it just makes me want to vomit whenever I go over to their house or I smell their house smell on them.

It makes me wonder what is going on? Is it really that difficult to do an incredibly good deep clean of your house every year and to just generally keep your house really well cleaned? I know that cleaning products can be expensive, but that's what dollar stores and discount stores are for.

I am aware that the smell of someone's may be due to the building itself because of mold and what not but that doesn't really constitute you not being able to at least try and keep the smell down.

Personally, once a year, I will go bat shit crazy and clean the house like a mad women. I'll wash all the drapes, scrub down the floors and walls, move everything to the center of the floor if I need to. Dust every CD, Book, nook and cranny. Get rid of any food that's been in the cabinets for more than a year, get rid of any of my stuff that I don't use and donate it to goodwill. Just clean everything. If I can afford it, I'll even have the carpets cleaned and get the fabric covered furniture cleaned professionally if I can. Once all is said and done, I'll febreez everything and spray all hard surfaces down with lysol and open all the doors and windows and let some fresh air in.

Then like once a month or so, I will do a basic dusting, cleaning the bathroom/ shower/ kitchen/ windows and stuff pretty well. Then like every week, I will vacuum, change the sheets, clean Herman's (guinea pig) cage, sweep. Then like daily, I'll pick up, clean up, laundry and sweep up as I need too.

I get that not everybody's schedule allows them to clean as well as they need to, but make time! I honestly would rather get an hour less of sleep just to know that I am going to come home to a clean house that doesn't smell to high heaven and I can be comforatable.

Most people who come to my house, wouldn't guess that I had pets if they didn't already know we had a dog and a guinea pig. It's honestly not that hard to take the time to keep your home clean. I hate chores just as much as the next person but it really makes you feel good when you know your home is clean. Plus, what will other people think of you if your house smells badly?

What?! Already!? O.o

My guinea Pig, Herman.

I can't believe the Holiday's are here already. I have been so caught up with school, my dad's passing and just trying to deal with life in general. It's just amazing that Thanksgiving is next week. It kind of hit me yesterday how strange it is not to have dad around.

Speaking of thanksgiving, I think we might be going over to my grandmother and aunt's house this year. Which will be a first in a while. I'm so used to having at home and maybe having someone over and mom and I making dinner and dad and I watching the parade in the morning. The parade is seriously the best part. It's going to be so weird without dad. I need to start sending out Christmas Cards too. I need to get a couple of assignments done this week first though. I have honestly been glad that I haven't had a ton of homework to do this semester.

Postcrossing.com

A friend of mine told me about this website called post crossing and it's really interesting. I've been checking it out and I think I might sign up for it and do it. It's basically where you send postcards to different people around the world and you can receive postcards from around the world. It's really interesting. I think I might give it a shot.

What do you want to do when you graduate college?

Tonight as I've been thinking back on people asking me "So, what do you want to do after you graduate college?" and I never know how to answer. I'm just going to have my associate degree. I don't have a major. The only thing that I can see myself doing and that I actually enjoy is theatre. Will I ever make a living from doing theatre? I kind of doubt it unless I join the technical theatre union here in Sarasota, which I have been seriously considering. There are other things that I am interested in of course but "what I want to do with my life," I'm not sure other than wanting to do theatre.

To me it just seems like such a silly question in a way but I feel like an idiot because I don't know how to answer the question. And when I think of how others might answer the question, I imagine someone saying, "Well, I'm going to apply for a few internships, and work my way towards being hired with this company and work my way up the ladder and become the CEO and get married and have 10 kids and retired by the time I'm 36 and live in a mansion and help the children in africa and.....!" I just can't see myself planning out "what I want to do" like that. I mean if I do end up in a position of leadership in whatever I do, then I'll be very happy with what I would have achieved as long as I'm able to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head and I am happy with where I am at and I can help people when and however I can.

I just want to see where life takes me.

What am I doing wrong?

I think I must be doing something wrong because I have honestly lost count of how many applications I've put in over the last few years and I have yet to get one interview. Am I not filling out the applications right? Am I not making the right impression when I pick up an application and turn it in? When I do the application process in person, I always try to look nice, act professionally and make positive conversation, maybe throw in a joke or two. I admit, my social skills aren't the best, but I always try.

I have filled out mock applications with friends and family and they say I'm doing everything correctly and that my resume is fine, considering my lack of work experience. I know the economy isn't the best right now but how does that constitute not even getting one interview since I turned 18? It's honestly frustrating. I am grateful that I am able to live with my mom because otherwise I would be living on the streets. I acknowledge how blessed I am but I have to wonder if I'll ever be able to stand up on my own two feet. I'm not saying that I want to be a millionaire (but I wouldn't complain), I just want to be able to have the possibility of knowing that I would be able to live on my own, pay the bills, pay the rent, just the stuff that needs to get paid.It's just really frustraiting.

In other news, I thinking of doing daily vlogs again if I can get another camera. Unfortunately the one I was using went missing. Not sure what happened to it. I think it was stolen at this point but I'm hoping I will be able to buy a  new one. There is a DSLR and a point and shoot that I want but I'm just hoping for the Point and shoot right now. We shall see what happens.

Am I crazy?

One thing I despise about myself is that I either over-stress or I don't stress enough. I can't seem to find a
"happy medium." Why this is? I have no idea. Such as, I started having some issues with my computer yesterday. Not a huge deal right? I just need to talk to a friend of mine and bring it over to him to work on it but I am just stressing out so much about it because I have an 8 page paper that I need to write for my Sign Language class and another huge assignment for my astronomy test and I can't afford to not have a computer and I can't afford to buy a new one. Although the issue with my computer, I am sure, is a simple problem, the worst always comes to my mind.

On the other extreme, albeit I am having computer troubles, I am not too concerned about rushing on getting my assignments done because I have a couple weeks when I should be working on them more than I am. I should be a bit more concerned about these things, but I'm not.

-.- I don't know what's normal about me and what isn't. Honestly, if I could afford it, I would see a psychologist but yeah. =/ Like that's possible. *sigh*

My Child

My Child,

You may not know me, 
but I know everything about you. 
Psalm 139:1 

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28 

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28 

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5 

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12 

You were not a mistake, 
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth 
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14 

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13 

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented 
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, 
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16 

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1 

Simply because you are my child 
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11 

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48 

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33 

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11 

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3 

My thoughts toward you are countless 
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17 

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40 

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5 

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41 

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3 

If you seek me with all your heart, 
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29 

Delight in me and I will give you 
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4 

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13 

I am able to do more for you 
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20 

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you 
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

When you are brokenhearted, 
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18 

As a shepherd carries a lamb, 
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11 

One day I will wipe away 
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4 

And I'll take away all the pain 
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4 

I am your Father, and I love you 
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23 

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3 

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, 
not against you. 
Romans 8:31 

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 

His death was the ultimate expression 
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32 

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, 
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you 
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party 
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7 

I have always been Father, 
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15 

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13 

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

-God