Thursday, October 11, 2012
It's between myself and God
One thing I've learned is that I don't need to agree with everyone on everything. Nor do I need to have a debate every time I disagree with someone. Although, as I have started the process of converting to Catholicism I find myself arguing with what I believe. What is right? What is wrong? Do I really believe this? Does God require me to believe this? In regards to my sexuality and my stance on Gay marriage, it has certainly been something that has made me really hesitant to really open up to the deacons I interact with on a weekly basis because as many know, the Catholic church frowns upon what they think of as a "choice" to be a gay man, lesbian women, bisexual, questioning, pansexual or transgender. Do I personally believe that it was a choice that I am bisexual? No, not in the slightest. Can I change the fact that I am attracted to both men and women? No. Sure, I can outwardly say that I'm straight even though it isn't true just as much as I can say that I'm 5'5" even though I'm only 5'1".
There are several other things that the Catholic church itself believes that I don't agree with that makes me second guess if I am making the right choice in regards to converting to the Catholic faith as well as all of the stigmas that are related to the Catholic faith. There isn't anyone saying that I need to agree with everything the church says. I am not the type to blindly follow the church. God gave me a mind to think and learn with and I intend to do that. I don't claim to be the most intelligent person ever but I am always trying to learn.
The more I learn about my faith, the more I argue with myself and God but at the same time, my faith in God becomes stronger. Even if I don't agree with God on everything. If God wants to send me to heaven or hell for anything, that's between God and myself. Not anyone else. Sure, I can ask any pastor, deacon, Priest or any other religious leader about what I may be struggling with but untimately, it's betwen Myself and God.